I had a few options about what should I write first: my childhood and experiences with ghosts, if I'm an empath or just too close to the other side, my holyday, my hometown's celebration, friends and what I've learnt from them, music and intimacy...and so on. But hold that thought.
Let's start with the ghost matter *wide grin*.
First of all, all readers' discretion is advised. My story has no fun in it.
Not to turn all this into a drama, I'll keep it short, and I'll explain later some things if needed.
I.1. I think back in my family's history, the witchcraft used included dark rituals (such as trading something in exchange of your own well-being; yeah, in my father's mother's case, that looked more like a bad experiment on her own family...well, that's mostly because of who and how was her true self, if you know what I mean).
I.2. Witchcraft used by the elders in some old places around here has been considered the equivalent of traditional healing. This is a field I didn't research more about yet and honestly, I do not wish to tap into it.
I.3. What she brought in our home, according to the discussions I had with an investigator and remembering the cleansing and its consequences upon the entire house, family and even animals, it's 90% a dark entity. A feisty one, if you ask me (you'll see later why).
II.1. Let's just say that giving me birth wasn't on the top of my father's options. As if on cue, only after two weeks I've been born, a nurse nearly killed me by accident. Fortunately (I know, this is my dark sarcasm), my legs were injured instead of my head. (Strange that I have right on the spots where my bones were broken some three lined scars.)
II.2. There are in my family reports of a few relatives taking their lives. By strangling themselves (may they rest in peace). At one point of my life (not proud of it) I tried to take my life in the same manner. Call me crazy, call it a history repeating itself, but I have a feeling something drove me to that point, because that person was not me. (Plus,if that's what I think it is, the entity may have a good memory, because it keeps reminding me from time to time about that moment. How? By leaving strangling marks on my neck.)
II.3. I had a few disturbing dreams in my life where I died...as in really living that moment when you are going to pass away. Can this be a coincidence in which people that I met when I was a child died soon before the dreams? I do not know, I'm just listing the facts and voicing my opinion that this may be taken as a personal threat.
III.1. I had experiences. I have experiences (needless to say).
III.2. Back in my childhood, I have been attacked by something I knew I wanted it nowhere around me. I saw shadow figures, felt presences and strange things happened within the house and with my family too.
III.3. The only thing that I know is that it resides around me since my very first experiences: its the dense, draining energy. It hasn't changed in years.
Now, for the last part, I already talked with a friend about it, so here's the thing:
I somehow learned to distinguish if there's the same energy/spirit or not. It's not like identifying whose energy it is, but the least I can do is to sense if there's an entity just messing around, because it doesn't have to be only a dark one, or if it's this energy that hides from me, yet it's trying to drain me. It's because it had such an impact on me that I can't help but remembering it ( I wanted to say that I remember its patterns, but again, that would mean to identify it, which I don't think I can do). Plus, in all this time I have experienced other things too, in different places and contexts, so I got to meet different spirits with different ways of manifesting themselves and let me know about it, sense their presence. You know, like some have a particular scent, or some of them can make different parts of your body to react by pain or numbness or goosebumps (that if they don't attack or get through you ramdomly), some can transfer feelings to you and, last but not least, if you're lucky enough, they can make themselves heard or seen to you.
For example, a thing that I do from time to time is to let my digital recorder rolling without letting them know that they will be captured on tape and wihout asking any questions or taunting them ( I don't think I have the necessary amount of blood to do that). I just let it to record for awhile ( I sometimes forget about it), then stop and replay it. I got a few things recently, like a female crying, moaning, whispers ( such as someone trying to get my attention by repeating: "...hey...hey..."), or a voice of a child or a powerful yell of a man.
Though, my problem is that I can't, I don't want to open myself to them. Yeah, I'm curious about them, I want to know more, I keep my eyes wide open not to miss anything, but when it comes to communicate with them, I can't utter a word. It may be the fear that they could attach themselves to me in order to communicate, to get energy, or even to harm me or the others around me. I am not an investigator, I may be merely an Empath, but I have no experience in the paranormal field, so I try to handle all these the best I can.
I promised myself that I'll try to manage this fear of them, fear that they might be all dark (because most of the people around here think that only bad or angry people loose their souls so they can't move on; I thought that too some time ago), and the fear of having them in my home. I am also working on my open mind (the Orthodox religion won't allow you anything like magic or traditional rituals of cleansing- for example saging your home, and most of all, I don't think it allows you to talk to spirits- you end up exorcised or accused of malevolent practice, defying the Holy Spirit and so on); I definitely believe in ghosts and in other aspects of the afterlife (I mean I think the Heaven and Hell are not the only final destinations), I definitely believe there is more for us to know, so extreme and old religious matters may have to wait when it comes to knowledge and self-defense (after all, it's a spiritual thing, so spiritual development seems a good instrument). Then, maybe, when I'll grow up a little in this unusual world, maybe I'll try to communicate, to help or fight whatever that is around me.
Side note: recently I kind of did a marathon of a show about hunting ghosts. Ghost Adventures, I'm sure you know it. It was a funny coincidence that I found this show right when the crew came in Romania. I think I learned a thing or two from that. Plus, I got Zak Bagans's "Dark World", which is a great book. I have to admit that most of my unanswered questions have been partially solved, but also raised another ones (questions and ideas that, if you ask me, should go to the pro's).
Here are my questions and ideas (feel free to correct me):
1. What about the Peasant ghosts? (I named them like that because I heard about spirits that aren't connected to a place or something, so they can roam around attaching themselves to places or people for awhile, but never actually stay until there's no other way but to banish them. A good friend of mine asked me how can someone indentify a spirit as a peasant one; well, I think it may manifest itself in the same ways everywhere it goes. Too bad that spirits do most of the things the same way, so I don't know if this theory will stand up.)
2. Children spirits: could they be influenced by other spirits just like living children can be influenced by the adults?
3. There is almost never a single spirit in a place, that I saw even for myself. Question is: on the other side, do these spirits regroup as reacting to an instinct of self-defense? Do they react to a still active social instinct or something?
(Hint: you can search for Ghost Adventures' episode of Galka family who had lost their daughter- may her rest in peace; at some point, the crew gets responses from a group, not only from Melissa, and there were not only relatives, but also '...friends...'.)
4. ... well, I guess I'll update it soon.
So, this is my fair share of experiences with ghosts. Also, I may not be necessarily a fan of the spooky all-of-a-sudden-appearances-straight-in-my-face, but if I have to live with it, at least to do it right...right?
And because I must have bored you into a coma, I'll let you know that if you're interested, there's a new season of Ghost Adventures coming this Friday. I personally can't wait to see what did the crew find in my country, if they met Vlad the Impaler (maybe I should write about how do we, Romanians, see him?), and how did they develop both their gear and ways of investigating the paranormal.
Until next posts, have a great time.
Hmm...Perhaps that should be my list too :)
Soon I'll be posting a poem that I wrote some time ago, and I think it fits a hollow atmosphere. It's in Romanian, but I guess I'll be able to translate it and keep its essence all at once.
